First day on Blog.

Well its my first time on blogger. I aint big on words or fancy on things. Just expressive and to the point on this emotional-taking site.

From the day I received the axe from school, everyday has gotten from boring to worse. Waiting till the day I get my P's then finding a new job, I hope it comes real fast on the beginning of July. Getting heavy chested about things, starting to feel very emotional about the lil things. Got nothing that would want to hear my ranting so... Thanks to this blog, I'll be able to relieve some of my happenings on this.

Lately, I've been making many mistakes. Or maybe it ain't but just only to me, I say it is. Partially, I feel that I've been ignorant to some. But it really ain't my intentions. I'm the kind to just let things flow and not start things. I rarely say "Hi" first because it ain't me. If those think that I'm ignoring you or w/e, I ain't. It's who I am that does it.

Where the heavy chested feeling comes from is someone that made me feel so happy either her being in my presence or me in hers and our social matters. I am not going to say her name but I'll just call her "Juliet" to ease my typing. Juliet has always been on my little brain throughout the whole day, and it just kills me for the past few months. I really enjoy our talkings and all so much that nothing else makes me happier right now. We barely seen each other though. In about 10 months, we've seen each other 5 times and counting. Seeing her and receiving a hug from her is like a dream. Gosh.... But 5 times in 10 months, that's like once every 2 months. And I've been speaking to Juliet for 10 months ? I wish I can call her more for an outings or something, but I do not have any transport for it. Only seen her through her parties or at her work, or maybe her shopping with someone else. I've been thinking alot lately about the things we've been through together through our talkings. But what would've we been through if we seen much more of each other in reality ? Recently, thoughts of just dropping it and carry on with my life has hitten my mind. Why? It's because of me. My mistakes and my lack of effort in what we've build or done or w/e.

Juliet is a beautiful, intelligent, entertaining, laughable person that can almost bring smiles to any person in this world. She brought the biggest smiles to my dial. But have I brought any to her ? She has so many strong friends and they all seem very nice and fun. Unlike me, I'm just quiet, a social outcast usually, boring and 'loner'. I do not see any of me and her taking part of any relationships for who I am. In the future, she is guaranteed to meet the husband of her life that will bring her happiness every second of her life and will cherish her forever because she deserves so much for who she is. I just wish I was that person. But my stupidity just ruins it. Sometimes, I want to let go of her and exclude myself from her life, because I am just another problem artist in people lives. Their happiness without me its already happening. But if I let her go, will I able to carry on ? What if I kept trying and only a shattered red oval comes to hand ? I do not want to foresee what happens right now. But I guess, this is where my ignorance and laziness with the "go with the flow" theory of mine happens.

But I hope what ever goes between us, I just hope it makes us both happier in the end. Because I do not want to hurt her in anyway. I just want her to make someone else, greater than me, happier because she possesses that ability to do that.

Well, its late now. Going to resume back to what I've been doing for the past few weeks, DotA - Sleep - Eat - Toilet. Ain't life great.

P.S 2 days still my 18th and im so emo :(